I took this one morning, after a session. Love this place. And love that it is a beacon in my life.
I can't begin to tell you what a special place the temple is. I've gained such a deep testimony of it and it's purpose and the peace it brings to ones soul. I've spend many hours here and shed many tears that I don't know what I'd do with my lifes' circumstances without it. The Lord is always near if we but let Him. Although I've encountered much pain and loneliness, I have never been abandoned by the Lord. I stand as a witness to this and that he has lifted the weight of my burdens. I'm still part of much tribulation, but looking back over the past many months, I have seen the Lord's hand even when I felt He wasn't near. I've suffered much anguish and confusing and wrestled with patience and long suffering, that I can only say that I'm being molded and refined into a person who will be ready to met God when it's time. Neal A. Maxwell said, "The Lord knows our bearing capacity, both as to coping and to comprehend, and He will not give us more to bear than we can manage at the moment, though to us it may seem otherwise. Just as no temptations will come to us from which we cannot escape or which we cannot bear, we will not be given more trials than we can sustain."
I have found a new love for people all around me, I see them all differently then before. It's a purity I can only witness when I'm this close to our Savior. I have been immersed in such spirituality, that my eyes see so many things differently. For example, I went to a parenting anxiety class, (can't ever learn enough, right?) and an exercise that was conducted was to name 3 things you don't like about yourself...gosh can't we all think of tons of things... but although I found things to list, I really didn't believe it much anymore. I see who I am, and why I am and that it makes me the complete of who I am. I am satisfied with who I am, and for a brief moment, I could see how my Father in Heaven saw me. I don't think anyone could feel this way unless they are close through scripture, prayer, fasting, temple worship and ongoing searching in the gospel. Don't get me wrong, I'm far from perfect and far from having perfect thoughts. I struggle with the woes of my day and with trying to keep my thoughts close to what needs to be, so I can be a better wife and mom to my family. But to witness even a glimmer of this pure peace, I could never deny it... but can only testify how much staying close to the spirit through these basic essentials the Lord has provided, on a continual basis, is so vital. It is a constant work that we need to do so we can always have the spirit with us and testify to us. I NEED this level of spirituality not just for me, but to have that personal revelation conduit open for myself and for my kids and their needs.
Having my existence "attacked" on so many levels has literally thrown me at the mercy of the Lord. I was alone and knew I had to throw myself at His feet. I am weak and so broken, there was no other that could do just what is being done. I know I am loved! I only hope when there are 'calmer waters' that I will keep myself in remembrance of this act of love that I know I deserve, and keep it close to me. Brigham Young said, "By developing our individual capacities wisely exercising our agency, and trusting God - including when we feel forsaken and alone - then we can learn to be righteous in the dark... To be cheerful when others are in despair, to keep the faith when others falter; or to be true even when we feel forsaken -- all of these are deeply desired outcomes during the deliberate divine tutorials which God gives to us--Because He loves us."
I have a firm testimony of God's plan for happiness. I want, so badly, to proclaim this truth ("oh that I were an angel...") but for now I feel it's a personal testimony I'm accuiring. Through many blessings I've been given, I know it will be something I can share to others when the time comes. I love our Savior and Father in Heaven. They know the torment I'm suffering, but our Father "know(s) how to give good gifts unto [His] children" if we but ask, knock and seek. (3 Nephi 13:7-11)
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